Counselling for faith shifts and deconstruction
When beliefs that once held your whole life start to change, it can shake everything: your relationships, your community, your sense of right and wrong, even your sense of who you are.
You might be questioning, leaving, or have left a church or faith community years ago and still feel its pull. You might be carrying guilt, fear or grief you can’t quite name. Family or friends may not understand. Some people come from high-control environments where their individuality was overlooked or suppressed, and are living with the effects of religious trauma or spiritual abuse.
You don’t need to have left your faith, or to be in crisis, to come. Many people arrive in the middle of it, unsure where they’ll land.
What you might be feeling
- Wondering whether what you’re going through is normal
- Anger at having been controlled, and at what it cost you
- Anxiety, guilt or fear left over from religious teaching
- Grief for a lost community, certainty or way of life
- Confusion, or a sense of being untethered, unsure what you believe or who you are now
- Worry about getting it right: what to believe, what to tell family, how to live now
- Strain in family relationships or a marriage
- A harsh inner critic or a habit of putting everyone else first
What we can do together
Counselling gives you space to make sense of what’s happened, without anyone telling you what to believe. I have no agenda for where you end up, with faith, without it, or somewhere in between. Our work is about finding a sense of yourself that doesn’t depend on anyone else’s approval.
Together we can untangle what you were taught from what you actually think and feel. Your anger and grief can have the room they need, and we can notice where old fears still steer you. Over time, many people find steadier ground: values of their own, and a way of relating to family and community that feels right to them.
Where there has been religious trauma or spiritual abuse, I work in a trauma-informed way, at a pace that feels safe to you.
You’re welcome here
Much of my experience is with people from Christian backgrounds, but you’re welcome whatever your tradition.
This is an affirming space for LGBTQIA+ people, wherever you are with faith. I’m not here to debate belief or tell you who to be. You don’t need to have it all worked out, or for things to be falling apart, to come and talk.
If you’re a parent, you may be finding your way between the faith you were raised in and the family life you want now, perhaps with grandparents who see things differently. As a parent myself, I know something of that weight. Counselling can be a place to think about the values you want to carry forward, and to work through the guilt, fear or family tension that doing things differently can bring.
Questions people ask
Is what I’m feeling normal?
Yes. When faith shifts, it can shake everything at once: what you believe, who you belong to, and how you see yourself. Feeling lost, angry, guilty or relieved, sometimes all in the same day, is a very human response to a very big change. You’re not doing it wrong.
Do I need to have left my faith to come?
No. Some people come while they’re still questioning, some years after leaving, and some want to keep a faith but hold it differently. You don’t need to be in crisis, or to know where you’ll end up.
What if I think it was religious trauma or spiritual abuse?
Then we’ll go gently. You don’t need to put a label on what happened, or prove it was bad enough. We work at a pace that feels safe, and if I think more specialist support would help you, I’ll say so honestly.
Read more
I wrote about this work for Nomad: All of you is welcome. I’m also listed on the Nomad Therapy Network, a directory of therapists who understand faith shifts and spiritual abuse.
No obligation to continue. Everything you share is confidential.